Chapter 3: Smash the Glass

For much of the time I’ve been unemployed, I’ve found myself struggling to be productive. Not having a regular schedule had made it hard for me to commit to tasks and stay productive. At least for the time between December and March I was able to use some of that time to travel and explore, the things I love to do the most. Once the Coronavirus reached the U.S., I found myself trapped indoors all day. So now I had nowhere to go and nothing to do, needless to say that took a toll on my mental health.

On top of that, I’ve applied for numerous jobs and either heard nothing at all or received an automated email saying they are not moving forward with my application. No matter what industry/job-level I applied to or connections I used, I couldn’t get an interview anywhere, not even a response in many cases. I have to say, it’s extremely demoralizing and demotivating. It got to a point by March (three months into my job search) where I was spending very little time each day actually looking for jobs.

I realized I needed to find motivation to get myself working again. After a period of searching and procrastinating, I found inspiration to get motivated for this unrelenting fruitless job search in an unlikely place: Disney’s The Haunted Mansion movie. If you’ve never seen the film, it’s based on the attraction of the same name at Disneyland and Walt Disney World. Fun fact: Haunted Mansion is the fifth Disney movie based off an attraction. The prior 4 are the Twilight Zone’s Tower of Terror, Mission to Mars, The Country Bears, and Pirates of the Caribbean. I’d love to see a movie based off Expedition Everest, but that’s not the point right now. Maybe I’ll go ask Joe Rohde if he can make that happen.

In the movie, main character Jim Evers (played by Eddie Murphy) takes his family on a weekend trip to an enchanting old mansion. He was invited there as a realtor to help evaluate the home’s readiness to go to market. Quickly it is discovered that things are not what they seem and, **SPOILER ALERT**, it turns out all the inhabitants are ghosts. Fast-forwarding, Jim is ejected from the mansion by the evil butler Ramsey. The mansion is enchanted so that no matter how many times Jim tries to break back in, the windows crack but never break. Jim is stuck outside while his wife and kids’ lives are at stake.

Exhausted from his numerous unsuccessful attempts, he collapses to the ground and sits against his car with a defeated look on his face. Shortly after, Madam Leota, the ghost of a psychic medium who exists only as a figureless head in a glass ball, appears at Jim’s side to offer him some much needed advice. Jim tells her that he’s tried to get to no avail. He knows he needs to get back in to save his wife and kids, but has no idea what to do. Madam Leota looks at him and says “you try, you fail. You try, you fail. But the only true failure is when you stop trying.” With an exasperated expression on his face he asks her what she wants him to do. Her answer? “Try again.” Now that may seem like a really ridiculous response because it doesn’t give him the answer he really needed. But, in a flash of realization, Jim then realizes the answer was next to him all along. The car.

Doing the same thing and expecting different results is the definition of insanity, as they say. He could have hit the windows a thousand times with the same bat and they were never going to break, he was simply not strong enough on his own. So, what does he do now? He tries again, this time with the car. He gets in with Madam Leota, tells her to hold on to something (see image below), and goes pedal to the metal. Jim drives head first into the windows and guess what? He smashes straight through the glass. Finally he has made it through and is able to save his wife and kids and a happy ending.

Revisiting this movie, particularly that scene, has brought me to two realizations. One is not every attempt at something is going to work, you may need to change tactics to produce the desired results. For me, surfing the web for jobs and applying for them blindly was clearly not the answer. No matter how many jobs I applied for, that was unlikely to produce the desired outcome of an interview or even a job, especially for the kind of job I was hoping to get. Once I changed tactics and used a more effective strategy, I was way more productive in my job search. I started working with a career coach who helped me define my goals and learn more about myself. I became active on LinkedIn and made connections that have helped inform my search process. I found better jobs to apply to and used my connections to advance my application forward. I even started a blog, which has proving to be cathartic and constructive. Eight months into the job search and I haven’t landed a job yet, but it has brought me to realization #2, which is this:

I’ve realized my definitions of success and failure have been way out of whack. While getting a job is definitely important, there are more things that I have accomplished that are worth celebrating. Everything I’ve done in the last several months is not just me hitting the glass with a bat, hoping it’ll break eventually. It’s me making a step towards the ‘final goal’. That goal may be to getting a job offer in the literal sense, but I think it’s so much more than that. It’s about me changing as a person and becoming better, stronger, smarter, and more in tune with who I am as a person. Each step of the way has come with its own barrier. Overcoming the guilt and shame of being let go from my job, the pain of losing my dog, the overwhelming dread of our current situation in America, and the need to find my place in the world. So what is the lesson to be learned here? I am not failing.

So as long as I do not stop trying, I do not fail. Each attempt at finding a job and learning more about myself brings me closer to my ultimate goal. Each time I’ve jumped off that metaphorical tower and said “in omnia paratus” is me not failing. Each step I take across the metaphorical bridge without making myself afraid is me not failing. Here’s the real tea: I’ve already smashed the glass. The mansion is my inner self and the evil ghost are all my fears and anxieties that hold me back, but they don’t control the narrative anymore, I do. Now it’s just a matter of finding that job and finding the real me.

I don’t know what that job looks like or where it’ll be or even when it’ll come. The next job I take may not even be the ‘one,’ but it’s going to come. At the beginning of this search process, my mom would repeatedly tell me that she knew something good would be in store for me. I didn’t believe her because all I saw were my failures, but what I see now is the progress I’ve made instead. Something amazing IS in store for me, it just takes a little time to get there. All I have to do now is sit down, strap myself in, hold on to something, go pedal to the metal, and smash that damn glass. Why? Because I can. And I will.

So if you’re feeling stuck and motivated, do me a favor. Change the narrative. Try something new. Go all in on it and you might be surprised by what happens. The outcome is not always what you expect, but it’s better than doing nothing. You can smash the glass too, and you can break the barriers keeping you from your goals. Just try again.

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